No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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