So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
