so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
