I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im part way to drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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