remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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