In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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