I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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