They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
