ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
