Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize