well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
