If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry about my life...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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