yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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