My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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