i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
