I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
