You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
