mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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