either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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