Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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