can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
