never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
