Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
