If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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