if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize