So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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