When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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