she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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