I faked an abortion last night.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
