we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize