i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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