I just pynch a tree in the face
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
