after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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