I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
too bad you live with your parents still
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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