He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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