He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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