I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
