We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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