Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
