I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
