I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
