the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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