you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
the raccoons are back...
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