you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
