You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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