Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think my vagina is haunted
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
