I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
