So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
