my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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