He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
