I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Randomize
