Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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