She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
