that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
