hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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