i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
