yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
