Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh god it's open bar.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
