it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
