Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
