Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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