look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
